What's Your Romantic Pattern?

Jason, your romantic pattern is Establishing Independence!

The Establishing Independence pattern that grips you begins with desire — not only for someone different, but for exciting life changes as well.

But, here's the recurring pattern you may see in your relationships: You are looking for a shift in the types of people you pursue and how you define yourself relative to other people.

These transformations can come in the package of another person — perhaps a soul mate — but more likely someone you've selected because they're different from the people or partners you are accustomed to.

Just as a young Juliet escaped an arranged marriage by attaching herself to Romeo, people often establish a separate identity for themselves by dating people who are very different from their parents, or their last loves. If you come from a conservative coat and tie family, maybe a James Dean rebel is the best way to go. If you're tied to people who are defiantly liberal, you might seek out someone who will help you experiment with more conservative ideas.

People who share your romantic pattern, want to shake things up with an almost adolescent need to break with the people closest to you — whether parents or a significant other. Establishing Independence is about separating yourself from a role or attitude or belief system you feel you are tied to because of your association with those around you.

Do you actively try to make a statement by choosing someone completely opposite from your past relationships? If so, this may be the way you separate for good, from the negative aspects of your past. Just know that you don't have to make such an enormous break to convince yourself that you are growing and are independent. If you're struggling financially, you might be drawn to someone who's not. If you're lacking in confidence, you might seek a partner who's confident and successful so that you may feel that way by association. That's fine, so long as you don't let it define who you are with. Who they are as a person is just as important to your ultimate happiness.

Because this pattern is so classic, it has been the subject of many romantic movies, including the unforgettable classic "Roman Holiday." In that film, Audrey Hepburn plays a stressed-out princess who runs away from the palace and her royal responsibilities and into the arms of a carefree journalist played by Gregory Peck. Her romance with Peck is genuine, but her attraction isn't just to his charming personality and penetrating eyes. He's fun to be around, and he represents a life that's on the opposite end of the one she leads. On the TV sitcom Dharma and Greg, the free-spirited Dharma and the uptight Greg are a lot like their parents, but they've found personal balance and escape from their parents' in their romance with each other. You are destined to find that happiness, too. And will be closer to it know that you know your romantic pattern.